My Epitaph

If you don't question everything, you will know nothing and believe anything!

Thursday, July 13, 2017

Accidental Overdoses are NOT Tragic: Intentional Ones are TRAGIC

My biggest concern will be for his patients when he either retires or dies if the current insanity of a corrupt centralized bureaucracy (and I only utilize the redundancy for those that haven't yet comprehended the truthfulness of my maxim "The larger and more centralized any bureaucracy becomes, the more likely that cronyism and corruption will become the norm for said bureaucracy.") continues unabated with its forcing one of the most inhumane forms of long-term torture upon sincere chronic pain patients by threatening the prescribing doctors best trained to discern between those suffering from debilitating chronic pains and the 1-4% of chronic pain patients whose only medical "need" is to be weaned off as being more in line with the Hippocratic Oath than making someone go cold turkey.


At least my pain management doctor is about my age, so I shouldn't have to deal with the irrationality of most doctors who inevitably react like you are seeking narcotics whenever they find you are on them before actually looking for the hard medical evidences (CTs, MRIs, X-rays, etc...) indicating that there is an actual medical need and before you essentially yell at the arrogant asshole(s) that you are already in a narcotic agreement/contract with someone else and that you are not there, that day, asking for any narcotics (however if they would be willing to take over writing those mostly scripts in the future, that may come to pass, BUT NOT FUCKING TODAY ASSHOLE!!!).  At least it was my experience in 2014 when the family physician - who had known my parents before they were married when they were all undergraduates together and had seen me within two weeks of the accident when it was absolutely still obvious that I was in pain most people couldn't endure - retired and the first "specialist" I was sent to reduced my meds to where I couldn't even lay in bed on a good day and read because after about 15 minutes all I could think about was the pains from having multiple spinal fractures from an automobile not sharing the road with my bicycle which would inevitably lead to sobbing in the fetal position wishing I were dead or paralyzed, and I spent months trying to find any other doctor that wouldn't state beliefs that clearly violated the most accurate medical and pharmacological evidence: statements that made a friend who does research for a major pharmaceutical conglomerate literally drop his jaw agape in amazed disbelief that any doctor would ever make such an easily verifiably false-to-facts claim concerning opioids.

I was warned via text in early November last year that I would likely be having my meds reduced at December's appointment.  Having lived through the suicidal depression of having my meds cut in 2014, that included hearing from a psychiatrist "As a doctor, I don't want to see anyone on opiates for life because, as a doctor, I hope we can do something to eliminate the cause of pain.  But, as a doctor, I also know that we can't always do something and in those cases, opiates may be the only thing to provide any quality of life."  Then, after looking at the computer program that tracks fill dates, dosage and quantity count of any opioid prescription filled since having my life changed in the blink of an eye from healthy to playing the rest of my life on the permanently injured reserve he said "And, for those who need to be on opiates for life, you are exactly what we like to see because you obviously are taking as prescribed."

He was the first doctor that year that actually believed me when I told him that the ability to not care/obsess about the chronic back pains that nothing can medically be done to ease except for the stigmatized pain pills was the effect I desired (my antidepressants are pain pills for giving me the ability to not care about the pains that are chronic).  But, he was also the first that year to objectively examine that computer tracking program for narcotic prescriptions to see how I tried to get off them when what would heal was healing in the back brace and began to use them for the ability to not care about the pain instead of trying to not feel the pain, as well as seeing as how I only had the urologist who performed the cancer surgery on me prescribe me postoperative pain meds and hearing me tell him about turning down scripts from both the prompt care physician, as well as the primary care I had to see the following week for the insurance referral to the urologist to remove the cancer from my body because they couldn't write me anything small enough to keep me from getting narcotic nausea because I had enough in my rainy-day savings to take a fraction more until surgery to be able to not care about cancer pains on top of the varying degrees of chronic back pain I endure daily.  That psychiatrist admitted that I was one of the ones that were being unnecessarily punished by the current bureaucratic inquisition, and that he definitely did not see any evidence that I was acting in any way, shape or form, as an addict would that he would want to send to rehab to help get clean from daily opioid usage.

After five monthly visits to the greedy bitch (maybe it was a form of black racism against my cracker ass instead of greed, but each visit was about $350 before insurance and she wouldn't write three months of scripts, but every 30 days until you had to pay her to see you like greed were her only motive, assuming if she was racist she wouldn't want to see my cracker ass every 30 days, that is, unless she was a sadistic racist that just wanted to see me spiraling into psychological suffering I had been able to avoid before suffering from her "care") who intentionally caused me to suffer by first reducing my meds to where I became suicidal, then tried to tell me I couldn't read the possible side effects for something that warned as its first side effect "Suicidal Thoughts OR Actions" after I was already having suicidal thoughts (in my state of mind at the time, I really thought she was trying to drive me to suicide), when she finally realized I could probably sue her for malpractice if she didn't send me to someone not so irrationally unscientifically false-to-facts with their knowledge about the actual threats of opioid medications if she tried milking her monthly office fees from me, I was finally referred to my current pain management doctor.

In the appointment last December when this doctor that had given me back what little quality of life even the pills can provide informed me that he had no option but to reduce my meds or lose his DEA#, or possibly face prison, I was emphatic with reducing my meds to a level that I knew would only cause me to lose my ability to not get depressed living with chronic back pain was completely unacceptable to me: "I would rather go through withdrawal long enough to drop my tolerance" was my explicit statement.  Of course he didn't recommend that option, but I had already suffered a depression for 5 months that even a psychiatrist admitted was caused/triggered by the loss of ability to not care about the chronic back pains and the returning to that state of mental health (or lack thereof) was completely unacceptable to me!  My doctor was being forced to cause me harm because of bureaucratic pressures exerted by those least capable of discerning medical need from addictive behaviors.

I had one of my cousins' who is a pharmacist calculate about how long I would need to go to get mostly clean to fall inside the new bureaucratic limit imposed by the unknowing upon those most in the know.  I ended up going clean for about 125 hours: one hour for every month since the accident that ruined my life.  I minimized my withdrawal because my knowledge base is not limited like my doctor's has been by his indoctrination into western medicine and I knew what I could use to eradicate most of the hell of opiate withdrawal.  I have had worse withdrawal from one cup of coffee a day because I knew how to minimize withdrawal that my doctor remains ignorant; I broke only one sweat, right at 68 hours since my last pain med was swallowed, and have had repeated sweats and chills from one cup of coffee withdrawal before (but I wasn't substituting other caffeine like I had my "crutches" to get me through 5 days of opioid withdrawal).

My doctor has repeatedly stated he is proud of me for doing what I had to do to allow him to continue to provide me with the (pathetic excuse of a) quality of life I have.  I didn't see it as having any other option because I would probably have already ended my suffering forever had I again lost the ability the pain meds provide me to not care about pains that nothing medically can be done to alleviate other than with extractions and synthetics of the poppy alkaloids.  Which really brings me to the point of this entire post:

I don't care if 7 billion people accidentally overdose on opioids!!! 

I really don't find death by someone's own stupidity to be a negative, stupidity seems to be the only real human predator left and we really need something to thin the stupid from our numbers.  However, any intentional overdose as the final act of desperation to end the suffering no longer tolerable because of the insanity of centralized bureaucracy interfering with one of the most sacred relationships in the modern world: that between a patient and a doctor - that's truly a tragedy of a failed society and culture!!!

Now, with that said, I really don't believe that there are any true heroin/opiate/opioid abusers that aren't trying to mask a trauma that they find unbearable to endure.  I am thankful that my pains resulted from a physical trauma (that has taken a psychological toll on my life) instead of, say, the traumas associated with sexual abuse that may never show up on any hard medical tests but that can be even more debilitating to try and function than traumas causing chronic physical pains, as well as these psychological traumas can also create physical pains, or at least have a high correlation between, if not actual causation.

There is only one thing that can end the "opiate overdose epidemic" in the USA, but the USA will not be wise enough to realize it and take those measures.  Unless we can somehow create a functioning utopia where both physically and psychologically traumatic events can no longer negatively impact any living human, we need to accept that people will seek any remedy to relieve the pains derived from physically and psychologically traumatic events.  If we can become so wise in our thinking, we should seek to provide the safest path to relieve traumas no one wants to relive: the legal importation of poppy syrup and opium to be purchased OTC by those of age like cigarettes, alcohol, and in the states where sanity has prevailed, marijuana.

The war on drugs is over because drugs won!!!  Part of human nature seems to be the desire to alter one's consciousness, especially when it can ease physical and/or mental and emotional pains making life's troubles easier to bear.

If we seriously cared about eradicating the "overdose epidemic" we would allow for the legal importation and domestic growth of the poppy that produces the alkaloids that can relieve most physical and psychological pains from being as debilitating to a quality of life worth living because the safest form of those alkaloids are the most ancient forms of its use: as a raw syrup, or the syrup boiled in water for 24 hours to create opium.

Again, I don't care if everyone alive today accidentally fatally overdoses so long as no one else suffering from chronic pain intentionally ends their suffering.  The former seems stupidity thinning the herd, the latter seems to be one of the most tragic of all deaths because it could have been prevented had the public, and the bureaucracies where corruption has become the rule, not tried to impose their ignorance and stupidity upon those who are not stupid nor ignorant and those who use as prescribed.
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